I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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