Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
