Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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