My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i now understand why vodka
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
