I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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