spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
