fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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