I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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