You just made me feel so damn special
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize