Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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