We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
