rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Randomize
