If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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