oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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