He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
