He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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