I seem to have left my pride at pride
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
