I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
