I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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