my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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