he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She bit a glass in half.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
we're so committed to being not committed
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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