she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
