That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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