I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
