Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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