Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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