No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
