Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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