I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
