So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
