oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
