my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
