Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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