he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
