My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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