remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
