this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
