my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
