I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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