I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
