God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
