Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
