so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
