the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
