I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
