you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
