I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
