he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
