I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
