He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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