Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize