I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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