just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize