I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
