my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Randomize
