You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
