What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
