Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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