hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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