I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize