Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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