Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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