we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
