she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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