Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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