Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
