the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
