maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
