The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize