all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
