do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
