I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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